This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize