it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
