At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
