i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
