How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
