Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
