So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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