I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
