its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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