I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
