id be glad to
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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