not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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