Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
