i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
