Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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