Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize