Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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