Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
