Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
