i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So apparently I’m into choking now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
