u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
