Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
