The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
