It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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