Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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