You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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