This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
