god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's shark week go big or go home
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
