so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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