apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
