I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
