I'm gonna have a badass scar
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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