Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
why do cheetos always look like penises
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
