I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
