so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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