wakey wakey hands off snakey
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize