how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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