oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
