that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
