i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
