I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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