I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
