Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize