I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
