booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
