Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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