he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
