My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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