haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
