He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
