im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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