DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
