Nicole vs. Life
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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