ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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