what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
