Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize