Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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