I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize