i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
